I am tired of being in this transition phase. This transition phase is all currently playing out in my head. Only in my head, because everything else having to do with this so-called transition remains as it was before.
I am still going to my job every day, I am still rushing around in the evenings with family obligations, basically nothing in my life has changed, except for the fact that I am apparently starting work towards a brand new career 5 months from now. It remains just a theoretical concept for now. Only in September will it become a physical reality, and finally seem real.
In the meantime, given that it is still only theoretical, my thoughts oscillate back and forth whether or not this is a good idea or not. Part of it is that it is hard to leave the known for the unknown. I know I don't enjoy my job and get no satisfaction or sense of accomplishment from it. I know that the higher I climb the corporate ladder, the less I like my job, as it is management-related. I can do it well, but derive absolutely no pleasure from it, apart from being able to mentor. But it is secure, stable and I know (more or less!) what I'm doing in it. And I know I face another 25 years doing it if I say put. That very thought fills me with dread.
However, I'm not getting any younger, and sometimes wonder if I'm physically up to working as a nurse (or even up to the physical and mental challenges of nursing school!) I'm fit and active, go to the gym regularly and spend as little time as possible sitting during the work day, but still, that does not compare to the reality of working as a nurse.
Then there are the politics to consider. Workplace politics exist everywhere. Some groups are better than others, and one cannot generalize any workplace in terms of its politics and/or dynamics. But the workplace reality in the hospital is very different from my current experiences, given that there are many more players, and that contributes to more complicated interractions. I know how to play the 'game' in corporate reality, but it will be an entirely different reality to figure out in the medical (particularly hospital) setting. Is my skin thick enough??? But I've also seen groups of medical staff who work together exceptionally well, with minimal negative interraction. I've spent close to a thousand hours volunteering in a hospital, and got to know the staff very well, so I can genuinely say I've seen a healthy dose of reality of my future work place.
So I continue to oscillate, back and forth, back and forth -- should I change career or stick with the unfulfilling present reality? Sometimes all it takes one day is to read posts on my beloved allnurses.com site to turn me off nursing, and the next day, to read several more which underscore exactly why I need to make this career change.
But when I think of being present as a nurse in a labour room helping a woman through the stages of labour and delivery, then all worries and fears drop to the wayside, and I am secure in my decision to make this change. I cannot imagine doing anything else, given a choice. And I guess I am being given that choice now. (And if all else fails, I can always go back to my current career. However, I really don't think it will ever come to that!!!)
I want to be able to say that after my career change, I've never 'worked' a day in my life. People who love their jobs say that, as they don't really consider it 'work'. Rather, it is a pleasure.
Any hey, what and who is really ever considered "normal" anyways? Lol!
Onwards and upwards!!!
you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!you can do it!
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